TJ: TURN THAT UP!

J: THE NEWS? YOU MUST BE CRAZY.

J2: TODD, YOU GET YO LAZY SELF UP AND DO IT YOURSELF.

TJ: I SWARE MAN! (TURNS UP THE TV)

J: I’LL ORDER SOME PIZZA.

J2: I’LL CALL EVERYONE OVERONE OVER HERE.

(PEOPLE TALK ON THE NEWS)

TJ: HEY JABARI. WWE IS COMING ON, ON SUNDAY. THEY CANCELED IT.

(JABARI ON THE PHONE)

J: I SWARE! HOLD ON I’M ON THE PHONE.

D: HEY THIS IS DOUG FROM PIZZA HUT. MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?

J: YES CAN I GET 3 LARGE PIZZAS PLEASE?

D: WHAT TOPPINGS DO YOU WANT?

J: OH IT DOESN’T MATTER.

D: PICK YOUR TOPPINGS!!!!

J: DON’T YELL AT ME. DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO?

D: SOMEONE THAT’S NOT IN MY LEAGUE.

J: LOOK IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT TOPPINGS. SHOOT THROW ANYTHING ON THERE.

D: HOW ABOUT MY FECES?

J:ARE YOU THREATENING TO MAKE ME SICK?

D: NO THAT’S A PROMISE.

J: BRING THE PIZZA! 14150 2^ND AVENUE. (HANGS UP)

J: THAT STUPID PIZZA BOY THREATENING ME AND ACTING DUMB. WAIT UNTIL HE GETS HERE!

(LATER)

D: (KNOCKS ON THE DOOR)

J: I GOT IT. WHO IS IT?

TJ: WHAT TOOK THEM SO LONG? I’M UP HERE STARVING TO DEATH.

J: IT’S ONLY BEEN FIVE MINUTES. YOU’LL LIVE.(OPENS THE DOOR)

TJ: (RUNS AT HIM AND KNOCKS HIM DOWN)

D: YOU UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE. I COME HERE GIVING YOU PIZZA AND YOU WANNA ATTACK ME. YOU ARE SO LUCKY I’M DELIVERING PIZZA RIGHT NOW.

TJ: SCARED?

D: NO! WHY WOULD I BE SCARED OF YOU?

TJ: DON’T TRY TO ACT HARD.

(EVERYONE ARRIVES)

DJ: (PUSHES THE PIZZA BOY OUT OF THE WAY AND WALKS IN.)

D: OOH! I HATE THIS STREET.

E: OOH PIZZA!

TJ: CALM DOWN, THIS PIZZA NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

E: YES IT IS. IT’S GOING IN MY STOMACH.

TJ: WHERE’S YOUR MONEY?

E: AT HOME.

TJ: OKAY YOU DIDN’T PAY FOR ANYTHING.

E: COME ON MAN LET ME GET A SLICE.

TJ: IT’S A SLICE IN THE FREEZER.

E: NO I DON’T WANT ANY POP.

TJ: WELL I CAN’T HELP YOU.

E: WAIT A MINUTE. YO FAT SELF RAN AT HIM AND KNOCKED HIM DOWN. YOU DIDN’T PAY EITHER. NO BODY PAID FOR THIS PIZZA. THIS IS A STOLEN PIZZA.

C: AND LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT A STOLEN PIZZA. ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS GETTING SOME.

E: SO WHAT? LET ME HAVE THE FOOD!!!! I’M GONNA GO CRAZY.

TJ; HE’S GONNA BLOW. AND WHEN I SAY THAT I MEAN THE WORD BLOW.

E: SHUT UP!!! I WANT SOME PIZZA.

TJ: GO GET A HOT N READY.

E: NO!!!

(THEY ALL TAKE THE BOX OF PIZZA AWAY FROM TODD AND EDWARD)

TJ, E: NO NOT THE PIZZA!!!

DJ:IT’S ALWAYS YOU TWO.

TJ: GIMME THE PIZZA OR I’LL SIT ON YALL.

C: HERE YALL GO.

B: YEAH WE NOT READY TO BE PANCAKES.

TJ: OH NO! I CAN TURN YOU INTO THE BATTER INSTEAD.

DJ: JUST GET YOUR SLICES!

E: DIG IN!!!

(EDWARD GETS A SLICE AND TASTES IT AND IT’S NASTY)

TJ: OH NO I DON’T WANT THAT STUFF.

E: MAN THIS IS NASTY!!

C; I NEVER THOUGHT OF THOSE WORDS COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

TJ: DANG. LOOKS LIKE YOU’LL HAVE TO STICK TO PEANUT BUTTER CRACKERS

(LAUGHING)

E: WHERE ARE THEY?

TJ: OH I WAS JUST SAYING. WE DON’T HAVE ANY CRACKERS AT ALL.

E: I’M HUNGRY.

ALL: WE KNOW THAT.

E: DON’T INSULT ME.

C: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? YOU CANT EVEN MOVE. YOU GET TIRED AFTER 3 FOOTSTEPS.

E: THAT IS NOT TRUE. WHER’S THE BATHROOM?

TJ: OVER THERE.

E: (WALKS OVER TO THE BATHROOM AND BECOMES VERY TIRED.)

C: SEE WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

E: OKAY!! SHUT UP.

J2: OKAY WHO HAS THE MOVIES?

E: MY COUSIN SHOULD BE HERE IN A FEW MINUTES WITH THEM.

(LATER) (KNOCK ON THE DOOR)

J: WHO IS IT?

DE: MOVIES.

J: (OPENS THE DOOR) WOW!

(EVERYONE STARING)

DE: HI.

J2: WHO IS SHE?

E: MY COUSIN FAGGOT.

J2: YOU THE FAG.

DE: SHUT UP. I DON’T WANNA HEAR THAT MESS WHEN I COME THROUGH.

TJ; YEAH SHOW HER SOME RESPECT. GIVE HER YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.

DE: THANK YOU SIR.

TJ: SHE’S RESPECTFUL TOO. ARE YOU TAKEN?

DE: NO!

ALL: AW MAN I’M SO EXCITED.

DE: WHAT’S THIS ALL ABOUT?

B: WAIT SHE’S TAKEN BY ME.

ALL: (EVERYONE ARGUING)

DE: BE QUIET. I DON’T WANT ANY OF YOU.

TJ: OH YOU ARE MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKE IN YOUR LIFE BY NOT CHOOSING ME.

DE: PLEASE. I’D RATHER KICK DIRT AND BITE MY NAILS.

TJ: OH I WON’T LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THAT POTTY MOUTH OF YOURS. I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.

DE: GO AHEAD. I’M NOT NERVOUS YET.

ALL: (INSTIGATING)

TJ: OH. AS I WAS SAYING, I CAN TELL YOU LIKE ME BY THE WAY YOU TALK TO ME.

DE: I CAN TELL YOU EAT TOO MUCH.

TJ: OH IT’S ON NOW. I ONLY WANT YOU FOR THE MONEY ANYWAY. YOU THINK I WAS STARING AT YOU? PLEASE I WAS STARING AT THAT CHECK HANGING OUT YO PURSE.

DE: IT’S EXPIRED.

TJ: YOU POOR PIECE OF TRASH.

DE: POOR? YOU STARING AT MY MONEY.

TJ: THAT CHECK ISN’T YOURS. THAT’S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT NAME ON THERE. WANNA RETALIATE. GOT ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY?

DE: YEAH. (HESITATES)

ALL: (LAUGHING)

DE:OKAY WHATEVER. I BET YOU’RE TOO CHICKEN TO PRANK CALL SOMEONE.

TJ: OH YOU’RE ON! LADIES FIRST. AND I’M TOO MATURE FOR STUFF LIKE THAT.

DE: OKAY. OUR SCHOOL! (DIALS THE NUMBER)

MF: HI CARVER ACADEMY, MR FAGGIO SPEAKING. HOW MAY I HELP YOU?

DE: IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR VOICE?

MF: NO NOT AT ALL. I HAVE A VERY STRAIGHT VOICE. DO YOU LIKE IT?

DE: QUEER!

MF: OKAY GIRLFRIEND WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH? MAKE IT QUICK. I NEED TO LINE UP MY EYEBROWS AND SHAVE MY LEGS RIGHT QUICK.

DE: ABSOLUTELY FAGGISH!!!

MF: HONEY, DON’T HATE ON ME. I’LL LAUNCH BUBBLE BATH AT YOUR HOUSE.

DE: OKAY, YOU`RE REALLY FREAKING ME OUT.

MF: COME ON. WHAT DO YOU NEED?

DE: NOTHING.

MF; THEN DON’T CALL HERE ANYMORE! DUMB KIDS.

TJ: WELL, YOU FAILED. SO MY TURN HUH? THIS IS WHERE COMEDY COMES FROM. LETS CALL THE DENTIST.

D: HELLO.DENTIST SPEAKING HOW MAY I HELP YOU?

TJ: I’M WARNING YOU ALL THERE’S A BOMB THREAT UP THERE. I’M DEAD SERIOUS.

D: OH MY GOD!!!! (SCREAMING) UH NO! WERE NOT DUMB.

TJ: YES YOU ARE

D: GUESS WHAT.

TJ: WHAT?

D: I HAVE TO POTTY.

TJ: THAT’S SOME NASTY STUFF RIGHT THERE.

D; LET ME BORRW SOME MONEY.

TJ: DENICE?

DE: EXPIRATION! REMEMBER?

TJ: OH, WELL SHOOT YOU STRAIGHT!

D: NO I’M FRUITY.

TJ: O…KAY

D: I ’M REALTED TO A GUY NAMED MR FAGGIO. THAT’S WHAT I CALL HIM BECAUSE HE HAS ME IN CHECK.

TJ: IT EXPLAINS ALL.

D: NOW WHAT DO YOU NEED? YOUR TOOTH TO BE FIXED?

TJ: OOHHH…. JABARI. TELEPHONE.

J: I SWARE MAN.

D: COME ON I GOTTA POTTY!!!

TJ: YOU’LL HAVE TO WAIT.

D: HOLD ON YOU FAT PIECE OF TRASH!!! I’M USING THE BATHROOM.

TJ: THIS PIECE OF TRASH PUT ME ON HOLD. AND WHO IS HE CALLING FAT. I’VE BEEN EXERCISING.

DE: HE HAS TO POTTY.

TJ: I DON’T CARE.

TJ: AND AGAIN THAT IS NASTY.

DE: YOU POTTY TOO.

TJ: SO! BUT WHEN I GO I COME OUT WITH THE BATHROOM SMELLING LIKE FLOWERS.

DJ: NOT POSSIBLE TO HAPPEN.

TJ: WELL I GUESS YOU’RE NOT SO SMART AFTER ALL.

D: AH I’M BACK.

TJ: OKAY FAGGOT YOU WANNA CALL ME FAT. COME SAY IT TO MY FACE.

D: NO YOU’RE FAT THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE.

TJ: I LOST WEIGHT.

D: FROM WHAT?

TJ: ATKINS AND BALLY TOTAL FITNESS.

D: OH THAT’S WHY I SAW TWO BROKEN TREADMILLS THE OTHER DAY.

TJ: YOU USELESS PIECE OF TRASH.

D: HEY! YOU EAT COLD BURGERS AND STUFF.

TJ: HEY THAT STUFF WAS NASTY.

TJ: YOU KNOW WHAT. YOU’VE MADE ME MAD. I’M COMING UP THERE.

D: BRING IT.

TJ: OH YEAH! I TASTE VICTORY.

D: NO! YOU TASTE WENDY’S

TJ: KEEP INSULTING ME! GET READY TO DIE. (HANGS UP)

J: YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE THAT!!!

TJ: WHY?

(SCARY MUSIC STARTS PLAYING )

J: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF NIGHTMARE ON 2^ND AVENUE?

TJ: NO! AND WHERE IS THAT MUSIC COMING FROM?

J: DON’T KNOW, BUT ANYWAY IT IS A LEGEND THAT HAPPENED FIFTEEN YEARS AGO. A BOY NAMED VERGAL HOUSTON HOWARDS DID THE SAME THING YOU JUST DID. HE KEPT GETTING PHONE CALLS UNTIL THAT SAME NIGHT CAME AND THEN HE WAS GONE. HIS BODY WAS FOUND IN A DUMPSTER AND HIS LEFT ARM WAS ON 7 MILE.

TJ: VERY UNTRUE! WHAT A FABLE YOU JUST MADE UP. GOOD STORY.

J: OKAY NOW WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE A HEAD ANYMORE THEN COME TELL ME WHEN YOU BELIEVE ME.

TJ: I WON’T BE ABLE TO SINCE MY HEAD WILL BE GONE.

J: OH, BUT STILL YOU DON’T HAVE TO BELIEVE ME. WHY WOULD I MAKE IT UP. IF I WASN’T FRIENDS WITH YOU THEN I WOULDN’T HAVE TOLD YOU THIS.

TJ: OKAY I BELIEVE YOU.

(LIGHTS GO OUT)

TJ: DANG. OUR POWER WENT OUT.

J: NO FLASHLIGHTS EITHER.

J: MAN WHAT’S GOING ON?

L: THIS IS CREEPY!

(LIGHTING RUMBLES) (TODD RUNS OUT THE DOOR)

B: NOW WHY WOULD HE RUN OUT THERE?

TJ: MAN I THINK THIS IS MY FAULT FROM THAT CALL. I GOTTA DO SOMETHING. I’LL

HAVE TO GET TO THAT DENTIST BEFORE SOMETHING HAPPENS.

TJ: (OPENS THE DOOR AT THE DENTIST) UM EXCUSE ME COULD YOU ESCORT ME TO THE DENTIST LOBBY?

PERSON: YOU’RE ALREADY HERE.

TJ: UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE. THERE HE IS. HEY DENTIST (WALKS IN THE ROOM)

D: OH YOU SHOWED UP? I THOUGHT YOU CHICKENED OUT AND WHEN I SAY CHICKEN.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

TJ: GET READY TO BE INJURED!

D: INJURED? GIVE ME A BREAK.

TJ: YEAH, I’LL GIVE YOU A BREAK TO YOUR NECK.

D: AND I’LL GIVE YOU A BREAK OF A KIT KAT BAR..

PEOPLE: (INSTIGATING)

TJ: NEXT PERSON TO INSTIGATE IS GETTING STUFFED IN A TRASH BAG.

D: GLADLY!

TJ: NO! NONE OF THAT STUFF. YOU ARE CORNY AS CROPS.

D: THERE YOU GO TALKING ABOUT FOOD.

TJ: BE QUIET. THAT’S WHY I’M BETTER THAN YOU.

D: PLEASE. I’M WAY MORE TALENTED THAN YOU COULD EVER BE.

TJ: I’M A BETTER DENTIST THAN YOU, ALL I HAVE TO DO IS KNOCK OUT YOUR TEETH.

PEOPLE: (CLAPPING)

TJ: YOU HEAR THAT? THAT’S THE RESPECT I GET.

D: WHAT RESPECT.

TJ: (PUNCHES HIM) OKAY YOU PIECES OF TRASH. SAY ONE WORD AND I’LL MAKE SURE YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME IS. GOT IT?

PEOPLE: GOT IT!!

TJ: THOUGHT SO! NOW LET ME GO GET A BURGER OR SOMETHING.

PERSON: NO ONE’S STOPPING YOU.

TJ: TRANQUILIZE HIM PLEASE. (SOME ONES SHOOTS HIM)

(BACK AT HOME)

TJ: (WALKS IN) I’M FULL BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS AND YOU CAN BE TOO. WELL ACTUALLY, LUNCH WAS HORRIBLE. THEY GAVE ME THE GREASIEST GURGER ON EARTH. THE WRAPPER WAS JUST COVERED IN VASELINE. THEN I OPEN UP THE BURGER AND WHAT DO I SEE? SHAMPOO. THAT’S RIGHT SHAMPOO.

J: AHA YOU ATE BODY WASH (LAUGHING)

TJ: NO! I USED IT.

J: WHAT KIND?

TJ: HERBAL ESSENCES.

ALL: GAY!!!!!!

TJ: NO MAN. I DON’T SWING THAT WAY.

E: YES YOU DO.

TJ: EDWARD YOU DON’T WANNA GET STARTED.

E: WHAT LETS GO.

TJ: OKAY YOU CAN’T SWING ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU MIGHT BREAK THE SWING.

ALL: (INSTIGATING)

E: BUT I KNOW HOW TO SWING THOUGH.

TJ: YEAH. SWING A SPOON WITH ICE CREAM ON IT INTO YO MOUTH.

DJ: OKAY I’M GONNA ROAST BOTH OF YALL. OKAY EDWARD GO EAT. TODD YOU CAN PUT YO ARMS DOWN. SAVE THE MUSTY ODORS FOR LATER.

ALL: (LAUGHING)

TJ: LET’S BAKE HIM

DJ: LET ME BAKE YALL A CAKE.

ALL: OOOOHHHH.

TJ: WHY YOU USED TO WEAR THAT SWEATER EVERYDAY?

ALL: (LAUGHING)

DJ: AWW YALL CAN’T TALK.

E: YEAH WE CAN. YOU THE MAIN ONE WITH CORNS.

ALL: (LAUGHING)

DJ: YOU THE MAIN ONE EATING CORN.

TJ: DONNOVAN YOU GOT THEM FLOODS THOUGH. AKA CAPRIS.

DJ: (PULLS OUT A COOKIE)

TJ, E: OH SHOOT GIMME THAT

TJ: NAW THAT’S MY COOKIE.

DJ: ( EATS THE COOKIE RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM)

E: OOH YO GREEDY SELF. YOU NEED TO SHARE.

TJ: I KNOW, NEXT TIME I HAVE SOME NOODLES, YOU NOT GETTING ANY.

DJ: OH WELL.

(RING)

TJ: I’M NOT ANSWERING THAT.

ALL: OH YES YOU ARE. YOU IN CHARGE OF THE PHONE.

TJ: NOT THE BILL. AND WHAT IF I’M TAKING A SHOWER?

B: TAKE THE PHONE IN THE BATHROOM WITH YOU.

TJ: BUT SEE, I DON’T NEED TO TAKE A SHOWER EVERYDAY. THAT’S JUST DONNOVAN THAT NEED TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THAT. THAT’S MY REVENGE.

TJ: HELLO.

VH: HELLO.

TJ: RELAX, HE SOUNDS LIKE A SOFTY.

VH: WE ALL KNOW YOU WANT A SOFTY. A MR SOFTY THAT IS.

ALL: OOOOHHHH

TJ: CAN SOMEONE GO GET A TRASH BAG?

B: FOR WHAT?

TJ: SO CAN STUFF YALL IN IT.

B: ALRIGHT I’LL BE BACK.

TJ: NO MAKE IT TWO. I FORGOT ABOUT EDWARD.

ALL: (LAUGHING)

E: USELESS PIECE OF TRASH!!!!

C; BOBBY YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

B: OH NEVERMIND.

TJ: SORRY ABOUT THE HOLD. MAY I ASK WHO’S SPEAKING?

VH: VERGAL HOUSTON HOWARDS (LIGHTING RUMBLES)

TJ: SO YOU MENA YOU’RE NOT DEAD. I THINK THIS IS A JOKE.

VH: NO THIS IS ME. THE NEWS HAD THE WRONG NAME AND IT’S BEEN PERMANENT EVER SINCE.

TJ: OH IWAS FINNA SAY.

VH: FINNA SAY? THAT’S NOT PROPER. LET ME CORRECT YOU. GOING TO SAY.

TJ: DON’T CORRECT ME.

VH: I CORRECT WHOEVER I WANT.

TJ: AND WHO ARE YOU?

VH: VERGAL HOWARDS.

TJ: WHATEVER! STOP TRYING TO ACT SMART.

VH: IT SEEMS I AM SEEING AS THOUGH YOU DON’T KNOW HOW I GOT THIS NUMBER.

TJ: WHITE PAGES AND PLUS THAT WAS DUMB FOR YOU TO TELL US THAT.

VH: DANG IT! BUT I’M STILL BETTER THAN YOU.

TJ: AT LEAST I WASN’T INVOLVED IN A 15 YEAR OLD SCANDAL.

VH: AT LEAST I’M NOT GETTING READY TO DIE.

TJ: OOH FAST HEARTBEATS, COLD HANDS, BLATTER PROBLEMS. HOW MUCH MORE NERVOUS CAN I GET?

VH: YEAH YOU STAY THAT WAY.

TJ: COME KILL ME IF YOU’RE THAT SERIOUS.

VH: OH I’LL BE THERE. BEWARE OF TERROR. (HANGS UP)

(LATER)

TJ: HEY MAN TURN THAT UP THAT’S SOME GOOD NEWS.

BOX BOY…

WEATHER…

HELICOPTER…

(RING)

J: I GOT IT. HELLO.

VH: WHAT’S THE ADDRESS OVER THERE?

J: 14150 2^ND AVENUE. WAIT WHO IS THIS.

ALL: AW MAN WHY DID YOU JUST DO THAT?

J: DO WHAT?

TJ: GIVE HIM OUR ADDRESS!!!

J: I’M SORRY YALL.

TJ: HE’S GONNA KILL US.

J; CALM DOWN. WAIT. WHY DID THE PHONE RING AND THE POWER OS STILL OFF?

TJ: I DON’T KNOW. STRANGE.

L: MAN NOW WHAT?

(RINGS)

TJ: WHO IS IT NOW? HELLO.

CALLER: IT’S STACY RUNKELS TIME IT’S STACY’S TIME TO CLEAR HER MIND… SO STEP OFF BOB EXPENSE REPORTS CAN WAIT..LARY SHE’S NOT INTERESTED IN A 2^ND DATE NO NO NO NO NO LEAVE HER ALONE.

TJ: WHAT?

CALLER: WHO HAS THE BEST TUNA? CHICKEN OF THE SEA.

ALL: (LAUGHING)

TJ: RETARDS. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YALL?

(HANGS UP)

TJ: STUPID!!

(LATER)

(KNOCK AT THE DOOR)

TJ: (WHISPERS) OKAY I THINK THAT’S VERGAL DON’T SAY A WORD.

J: YOU CHICKEN.

TJ: (OPENS THE DOOR) PROBABLY KIDS PLAYING AT PEOPLE’S DOORS.

(LONNY LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW)

L: IT’S GONNA BE A LONG STORM TONIGHT.

E: IT’S NOT SAFE TO GO OUT THERE.

TJ: THIS IS TRASH.

(RING)

TJ: DON’T LOOK AT ME. FINE, BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME. HELLO.

VH: FAT…BOOOOYYYYYYY. GET READY TO DIE.

TJ: DON’T INSULT ME.

VH: I’M AT THE DOOR. OPEN THE DOOR SO I CAN KILL YOU.

TJ; YOU CAN’T FOOL ME LIKE THAT.

VH: OKAY I’LL JUST KICK OPEN THE WINDOW. (GLASS CRASHES)

TJ: UH ARE YOU AT THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE?

VH; YEAH.

TJ: OH YOU AT THE WRONG HOUSE.

VH: OH. CRAP. THE LADY IS CALLING THE COPS. I’M SORRY. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. I’M AT THE WRONG HOUSE

LADY: LEAVE MY PREMISES NOW.(BEATING HIM UP.)

VH: OWW MY EYEBALL. OUCH.

TJ: COME DO SOMETHING NOW.

(GUNSHOT)

TJ: OH CRAP HE SHOT HER.

DE: HANG UP THAT PHONE.

TJ: (HANGS UP)

DE: I CAN’T TAKE THIS CRAP ANYMORE. THIS IS CRAZY.

J; I’LL GO GET A FLASHLIGHT FROM THE BASEMENT.

TJ; YOU NEED ME TO COME WITH YOU?

J; NAW THE STEPS MIGHT BREAK, SO JUST STAY UP HERE.

TJ: OKAY BE CAREFUL CHIPPY. HE COULD BE IN THE BASEMENT.

J: (GOES DOWNSTAIRS) IT SMELL MUSTY DOWN HERE. (TRIPS)

J: OUCH. MY KNEE.NOW WHERE IS THAT FLASHLIGHT.

VH: (SNEEZES)

J: HA HA SOMEBODY GOT A COLD. WAIT A MINUTE. WHO IS THAT?

HELLO! HELLO!!! OH WELL I GOTTA FIND THAT FLASHLIGHT.

(CRASHING)

J: STOP TRYING TO SCARE ME.

(CRASHING CONTINUES)

J: STOP IT!!!

VH: I SEE YOU.

J: WHO WAS THAT?

VH: YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!

J: SHOW YOUR SELF.

J;HELLO HELLO

(HEAVY BREATHING) (FOOTSTEPS GETTING CLOSER)

J: STAY BACK. (SHINES THE FLASHLIGHT IN VERGALS FACE)

J: AHHH

(VERGAL RAISES HIS KNIFE AND TRIES TO STAB JABARI BUT HE DODGES IT AND RUNS UPSTAIRS)

( TODD OPENS THE BASEMENT DOOR)

J: HE’S COMING!

(TODD LOOKS BEHIND JABARI)

TJ: WHO’S COMING?

J: VERGAL. I KNOW THAT WAS HIM. YOU ALL HAVE TO BELIEVE ME.

TJ:: I BELIEVE YOU.

ALL: WE DO TOO (SARCASTICALLY)

(SHUTS THE BASEMENT DOOR)

J: FOR GOODNESS SAKE HE TRIED TO KILL ME.

E: WHATEVER. THIS IS PROBABLY SOME GAG YOU AND TODD MADE UP. IF IT IS. CUT IT OUT RIGHT NOW.

J: THAT’S YOUR OWN BENEFIT WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE A HEAD ANYMORE.

YOUR FAT SELF NEVER BELIEVE ANYONE BUT WHEN SOMEONE SCREAMS FOOD YOU’RE THE FIRST TO JUMP UP AND RUN TO WHERE EVER.

E: FAT? WHAT ABOUT YOU TOOTHPICK.

J: YEAH YOU WHO ELSE?

( EVERYONE STARING AT TODD AND EDWARD)

TJ: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU ALL NOT TO INSULT ME?

I AM NOT KIDDING AROUND. THIS IS THE L;AST TIME.

ALL: OKAY. WE’LL STOP.

TJ: NOW BACK TO THE SUBJECT WE WERE ON. THIS IS NOT A GAG OR ANYTHING. THIS IS 100% TRUTH..

C: I SAY WE CALL THE COPS.

J: THE PHONE IS DOWN DUMMY.

C: DUMMY? AT LEAST I KNOW WHAT THE RECIPROCAL OF A FRACTION IS.

TJ: CAN THIS HOUSE EVER BE VIEWED WITHOUT AN INSULT HAPPENING EVERY FIVE MINUTES? SO MUCH IMMATURITY. DON’T SAY ANYTHING BACK.

(PHONE RINGS)

J: I’LL GET IT.

VH: YOU’RE NEXT.

J: WHO IS THIS?

VH: I’M GOING TO GET YOU.

(HANGS UP)

J2: OKAY I DON’T KNOW ABOUT ANYONE ELSE BUT I BELIEVE YOU ALL NOW.

(KNOCK AT THE DOOR)

J: UH CAN SOMEONE LOOK OUT THE WINDOW?

DE: (OPENS THE CURTAINS AND VERGAL IS STANDING IN THE WINDOW)

DE: (SCREAMING)

VH: (JUMPS DOWN AND GRABS DENICE)

E: NO NOT MY COUSIN. (VERGAL STABS HER)

ALL: (MOURNING)

TJ: OH WELL!!! WHERE’S HER PURSE?

E: CHECK THE KITCHEN COUNTER.

TJ: THANK YOU.

C: I THINK WE SHOULD LEAVE.

DJ: AND GO WHERE?

C: I DON’T KNOW. JUST AWAY FROM HERE. IT’S TOO MANY THINGS GOING ON AT THIS HOUSE.

TJ: LETS GO OUT THE BACKDOOR. (TRIES TO TURN THE KNOB BUT IT’S STUCK)

TJ: IT’S STUCK.

L: WHERE ARE WE GONNA GO NOW.

J: WE CAN HIDE IN MY ROOM.

TJ: OKAY. (THEY ALL RUN TO JABARI’S ROOM. JABARI MAKES IT IN THERE FIRST AND LOCKS THEM ALL OUT.)

TJ: SELFISH PIECE OF TRASH!

L: WHAT NOW?

J2: HE’S COMING!

(VERGAL COMES UP THE STAIRS)

TJ: WHAT ABOUT THE ATTIC?

(THEY RUN IN THE ATTIC) (EVERYONE’S IN THE ATTIC EXCEPT EDWARD.

E: I’M STUCK.

(THEY PULL HIM THORUGH JUST BEFORE VERGAL SWINGS THE KNIFE AT EDWARD’S LEGS.)

B: OKAY CLOSE IT.

TJ: (TODD CLOSES THE TOP AND LOCKS IT.)

L: WE SHOULD BE SAFE HERE.

E: LET’S TRY THE WINDOW.

J2: IT’S NOT GLASS AND IT DOESN’T OPEN FROM THE INSIDE.

E: TRASH!

(VERGAL GOES AFTER JABARI) (VERGAL BANGS ON THE DOOR)

J: GO AWAY!

VH: LET ME IN.

J: NO! ARE YOU CRAZY?

( VERGAL STABS HIS WEAPON THROUGH THE DOOR ALMOST STABBING JABARI.)

J: HELP!!!!

(JABARI RUNS TO THE WINDOW. THE KILLER SQUEEZES HIS ARM THROUGH THE DOOR TRYING TO UNLOCK THE CHAIN. JABARI OPENS THE WINDOW AND CRAWLS OUT. VERGAL GETS INSIDE THE ROOM. HE RUNS TO JABARI, AND CUTS HIS LEG. JABARI STRUGLES TO GET TO GET TO THE ATTIC WINDOW. HE OPENS IT AND JUMPS INSIDE..

L: WAIT DON’T CLOSE THE,

(JABARI CLOSES THE WINDOW.)

L: WINDOW.

TJ: HOW’D YOU GET HERE?

J: OUCH. HE CUT MY LEG WHEN I WAS TRYING TO ESCAPE THROUGHT THE WINDOW.

E: YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE CLOSED THE WINDOW. WE COULD’VE GOTTEN OUT.

J: WHY DOES IT MATTER?

J2: THE WINDOW DOESN’T OPEN FROM THE INSIDE.

J: WELL THERE’S ONLY ONE THIGN I CAN DO.

J2: WHAT’S THAT?

J: I’LL GO DOWNSTAIRS TO TALK TO THE KILLER.

L: ARE YOU CRAZY?

TJ: NO! I’LL DO IT.

E: OKAY BUT IF YOU DIE, CAN I HAVE YOUR BIRTHDAY CAKE?

TJ; THAT MADE NO SENSE AT ALL. AND NO! YOU DON’T NEED ANY CAKE.

NOW I’M GETTING READY TO GO DOWN THERE.

(TODD OPENS THE TOP AND CLIMBS DOWN AND TIP TOES TO THE CORNER.

J: (WHISPERS) BE CAREFUL.

(THEY LOCK HIM OUT)

TJ: OH THAT IS JUST UNNECESSARY. NOW WHAT?

TJ: VERGAL ARE YOU THERE?

TJ: HELLO COME OUT VERGAL.

(TODD GOES INTO THE KITCHEN AND NEXT THING HE KNOWS IS THAT A FIST KNOCKS HIM OUT)

(TODD WAKES UP AND SEES HIM AND THE OTHERS ARE TIED UP)

TJ: WHAT HAPPENED

B: HE GOT US.

TJ: WHO?

B: THE KILLERS.

TJ: KILLERS? WHERE DID THAT “S” COME FROM?

J: THE DENTIST AND VERGAL?

TJ: WHAT?

D: HA HA, DID YOU EVER THINK I FORGOT THE THINGS YOU SAID TO ME?

VH: ME TOO!!!!

TJ: YOU’RE AFTER US FOR THAT?

E: THIS IS NONSENSE. LET US GO AND KEEP TODD.

TJ: SHUT UP!!! YOU PIECE OF TRASH!!!

D: SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YALL.

TJ: VERGAL YOU BETTER CORRECT HIS GRAMMAR.

VH: IT’S SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YOU.

D: DON’T LISTEN TO FATTY.

TJ: SHUT UP BEFORE I PUT YOU IN A TRASH BAG.

L: HA HA. HE INSULTED YOU.

(VERGAL SLICES ACROSS LONNY’S CHEST WITH A KNIFE.)

VH: WHO’S LAUGHING NOW.

B: OH MY GOODNESS.

J2: PLEASE, SHOW US SOME MERCY.

D: I’VE HAD IT LET’S KILL THEM ALREADY.

VH: BUT IT’S TODD I REALLY WANT.

D: SO JUST KILL HIM.

(CHRIS CUTS THE ROPE WITH SCISSORS AND RUNS AND KICKS VERGAL.) (DONNOVAN SPRAY’S MACE IN HIS FACE AFTER HE ESCAPES.)

VH: I CAN’T SEE.

(CHRIS PUNCHES HIM)

(DONNOVAN KARATE CHOPS VERGAL)

(CHRIS PUNCHES THE DENTIST OVER A TABLE.) (VERGAL GETS UP AND SLAPS DONNOVAN) ( NOW HE KICKS HIM IN THE FACE) (DONNOVAN THROWS A FLOWER POT AT THE DENTIST) (CHRIS THROWS A HAMMER AT VERGAL RIGHT IN HIS FACE)

VH: OOOUUUCCCHHH.

(TODD GET HIS ROPE UNTIED AND SPEARS THE DENTIST INTO THE WALL.) ( VERGAL GRABS CHRIS AND CHOKES HIM ON THE FLOOR)

(TODD SLAMS A CHAIR OVER VERGAL’S BACK) (VERGAL IS KNOCKED OUT)

J: YALL SAVED OUR LIVES.

L: THANKS

E: YEAH I APPRECIATE THAT.

B: NOW UNTIE US PLEASE

J2: YEAH THIS ROPE BURNS.

(THEY UNTIE THEM)

J: THANKS AGAIN.

(POWER COMES BACK ON) (THEY CALL THE COPS ON THE DENTIST) (VERGAL GETS AWAY)

J: WELL… THERE GOES MY DENTIST APPOINTMENT.

TJ: WELL I’M GOING HOME. I’LL SEE YALL LATER.

ALL: OKAY

TJ: I NEED SOME REST. TODAY WAS CRAZY OR MAYBE I’LL PLAY MY GAME.

E, J, J2: CAN WE COME?

TJ: YEAH. SURE.

J: YEAH LETS PLAY DRIVER 3.

E; I GOT FIRST.

(RING)

DJ: I GOT IT. HELLO.

VH: IT’S NOT OVER, I’LL BE BACK.

ALL: UH OH!!!!